From Tatters to Treasures
[Lois' true story: growing up near Detroit, I felt hopeless, lost, lonely. Toys to keep in my school desk didn't satisfy. But in 5th grade, an old gift challenged me to find hope & meaning.]
My name is Lois. I'm a Registered Nurse, and I worked in a local clinic during much of my nursing career. I have two grown children and two grandchildren. There was a time when my life was tattered and hopeless. Yet I was afraid to trust. I almost said "No" to the relationship that has changed my life! This is how it all began:
I was born in Arkansas right after the end of World War II. Few families owned automobiles back then. Our feet were our transportation, and most cherished among my early childhood memories are those of trecking to the tiny little town near our community to visit Martha Prince, the County Health Nurse. Funny, the memories of the "bad" things she did to me, like the smallpox immunization, are not traumatic. I only remember how special I felt when Martha Prince was around. On one occasion, she gave me a little red book. I couldn't read well enough to comprehend it, but I treasured it because I treasured Mrs. Prince.
I was in the second grade when my father received the call: "Go north young man!" There was supposedly a pot of gold at Ford Motor Company in Detroit, Michigan. Automobiles were the future. Car manufacturers were gearing up for phenomenal sales. Soon we were living in a three room apartment on the fourth floor of a hotel in Dearborn, Michigan. My bed was the living room couch.
I spent much of my childhood in various hotels in the Salina School district of Dearborn. I was lonely during those years. I was an only child. I hadn't been around other children a lot when I started school, and I didn't know how to relate to them. When the layoffs came, we would temporarily move south again. This made it even harder for me to maintain relationships. Since I had no siblings, there was no one my age with which to create a stable relationship.
I began to look for something to fill the void. I soon discovered that if I sneaked behind Mother's back and went through the soup line at school, the remainder of my lunch time and money could be spent at the bazaar down the street from school. I began to purchase lots of small nickel and dime toys there trying to satisfy the longing in my heart.
I kept these toys in my desk at school. If I took them home and put them in my tiny space in the corner of the living room, they would be too obvious. Mother would question where they came from. How could I tell her I used part of my lunch money?
When school was out for the year, I would clean out my desk, giving most of the toys away. I never missed them. I had kept buying toys thinking each time that I had found just the one to satisfy my needs. But I seemed to find no pleasure in them once they were in my possession.
I thought no one would have a clue what I was doing...but someone did. One year the lunchroom teachers began to realize that I had to make change each day for my soup. I always had the correct amount of money for a full lunch. Could it be that I was doing something underhanded?
I was given a note to take home to Mother. The audacity! Did my teachers really think I was stupid enough to give her that note? It went into the nearest trash barrel as soon as I was off the school grounds on my way home that afternoon.
We had no phone, but somehow my teachers managed to get in contact with Mother. A couple of afternoons later, she appeared in the classroom. I was called to the front of the class and questioned about a note. I had to think quickly. "A boy took it away from me on the way home from school."
"A boy took it away from you? Which one?"
"That one!" I replied, pointing at a young man who had made fun of me once before.
No one believed me, least of all Mother. I was forced to go through the regular lunch line after that. The boy I falsely accused had even more reason to make fun of me. I was ashamed but not repentant.
All the while I was living my deceitful lifestyle, Mother and I would walk a few blocks to the little neighborhood church in Dearborn each Sunday morning. If only the pastor would get off this thing about failing to live up to God's standards, which he called "sin."
He talked about God's love and forgiveness. I knew I needed that forgiveness desperately. I felt so dirty. But if I accepted that forgiveness I would have to change. I would have to give God control.
That was scary. Being an only child did have its advantages. I didn't have much, but what I had, I didn't have to share with siblings. And now God was asking me not only to share, but to give control of my life to Him! What if I accepted God's offer and things got worse?
I could barely sit through the services each Sunday, yet something inside me was spell-bound each time I heard this wonderful story of love and forgiveness. Click His Story to read that story now. This will open in a new window so you can easily come back here.
I lived with this hopelessness for over three years. Finally we left Dearborn for what we thought would be the last time. I had survived the pressure, and hadn't made any stupid decisions. Or had I? By choosing not to say, "Yes," I was automatically choosing to say, "No,"to God. I didn't realize at the time that this was the most stupid decision of all!
Since we weren't planning to go back north, we would settle into a home of our own. What a beautiful little home it was to me, and best of all I had my very own room. I started the fifth grade, and was even starting to make a few friends in our new area. Life was looking better.
We began to go through the things we had packed in storage during the time we were in Dearborn. It was then that I came across the little red book. I read it over and over. How I longed to see Mrs. Prince again.
I thought I had gotten away from this decision that had haunted me for so long. Now this little book rehearsed it again. It reminded me once more that all have failed to meet God's standards -- what the pastor had called sin -- and come short of the glory of God. It contained graphic illustrations similar to this one:
If only I could stop reading this book. I hated reading it. But I couldn't seem to put it aside. What a decision! I couldn't put that aside either.
But life was just starting to get better. What if I gave God control and he made things worse again? What if he made a mess of it for sure?
Yet God had created everything. He could see my past and my future. He knew the beginning and end of all things. And according to the Scriptures, "God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
I was a liar, a slanderer, and a deceiver. But God loved me just like I was. He loved me enough to give his only Son for me. No one had ever loved me that much! Dare I trust Him now?
He could take away my guilt. He could lead me in the right direction. He cared! And He had not given up on me through all of my resistance.
Finally I melted into His love. I would give him control. My decision was made. Immediately I felt a peace, an excitement in my life that I had never experienced before. I felt clean.
I thanked God for caring for me. I told Him I was sorry I had failed to meet His standards of goodness. I admitted that even now I did not think I could meet those standards. I asked God to take control of my life and help me become what he wanted me to be.
How thankful I am for that decision I made many years ago. Certainly trials and problems have buffeted me through the years. I have failed many times. But since that day, there has been a Strength in my life that has stayed with me through it all.
Its like the immunizations that Martha Prince gave. Although it might have seemed cruel of her at the time, those immunizations gave me a protection for life and health. Even as a tiny child, I didn't fear the "bad" things she would do to me. She cared about me. I trusted her.
God is like that. He allows bad things sometimes, but only to use them for good in my life. He cares about me. I've learned that I can trust Him.
I traded my tatters for the treasure of His undergirding Presence that day. And God has measured up to my trust far beyond anything I could have ever imagined or hoped for.
When I asked God to take control of my life, I prayed a prayer similar to this one. You may want to pray this prayer now too. Just saying the words will mean nothing, unless you mean them from your heart. But if you really mean these words as you say them, God will change your life.
If you want to understand more about God and his invitation of love, start at the beginning of the Knowing God section.
If you are ready to trade your tatters for the treasures of God love, go to this prayer now and tell Him.
When I trusted God's love, that was only the beginning. I've had many problems. I have failed at times. But God has stayed with me and helped me find the way to joy and peace. I've shared much of the way God has worked in my life, and some of the things he has taught me on this site.